*Background photo from https://www.discinsights.com/blog/featured/disc-proper-stress-management "Using DISC Assessments to Learn About Proper Stress Management for Different Personality Types"
Stress
Stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances. Stress isn't always necessarily bad. The purpose of stress is to prepare your body to take on a potentially dangerous situation that you need to react quickly to, to survive. Your hypothalamus alerts your body to the danger. A combination of nerve and hormonal signals prompts adrenal glands to release adrenaline and cortisol. Adrenaline increases heart rate, elevates blood pressure, pumping blood to major muscles, and boosts energy supplies quickly. While that is happening cortisol eliminates functions nonessential and that aren't assisting fight or flight. Some of those functions include peripheral vision and hearing. It also alters immune system responses and suppresses the digestive system, reproductive system, and growth processes. Unfortunately sometimes we perceive events that aren't actually dangerous in a threatened way and become unnecessarily stressed. If this constantly happens over a long period of time then these hormones will always be present and continue to stunt those other processes causing health problems in the future. A little stress can save your life while a lot of stress can cause major problems.
Stressors
Stressors are events in ones life that causes stress. Finding out what stressors you have is the first step to dealing with your stress. I am going to focus on seven stressors that I believe have the largest impact on teen stress. The top seven (not in order) are Parents, Teachers, Bosses, Coaches, Friends, Peers, and Bullies. I will rank them later after I collect enough data from my survey.I am going evaluate how they cause stress, and to what extent they cause stress. I will look at it on a large scale based off of my research and then as well as on a smaller scale within my own high school and see how they relate.
1. Teachers
38% of the kids that took my survey ranked teachers as their primary source of stress. A lot of people find it easy to blame teachers for their stress. Too much homework, too high of expectations, and not understanding is what kids like to accuse them of. But what we need to ask ourselves is are they actually asking too much of us? Are we really incapable of doing this homework that will help us learn and better ourselves in the future? Teachers hold kids to a higher standard because they know what you are capable of. Would you actually rather be seen as incompetent? Teachers are trying to instill hard work in students because having a good work ethic will only help you succeed later in life. Teachers wouldn't be teachers if they really wanted to just make your life miserable. It doesn't pay well enough for that. And the few that possibly are just out to make your life miserable will teach you to deal with people you don't like. That is something we will have to deal with our entire lives. Other than that we need to learn to take responsibility. The truth is we just don't like doing work but we shouldn't transfer that dislike to teachers. Teachers were also students once. They do understand and they aren't stupid. Believe it or not it is possible to accomplish multiple things in a day. You can get your homework done and play sports, or be apart of clubs, or have a job, or spend time with your family. Will it be easy? No. Will you succeed at getting it all done all the time? No. But we need to learn from this and learn how to work hard, learn how to prioritize, and especially learn to take responsibility. It is hard doing something you don't want to do everyday but that isn't going to end after high school either. In college you're still gonna have to go to classes you don't want to. And after that you're going to have to go to a job that you probably aren't too thrilled about every day. Your best chance is to work hard now to do well in school so then there is a greater chance of getting a more enjoyable job that you want.
38% of the kids that took my survey ranked teachers as their primary source of stress. A lot of people find it easy to blame teachers for their stress. Too much homework, too high of expectations, and not understanding is what kids like to accuse them of. But what we need to ask ourselves is are they actually asking too much of us? Are we really incapable of doing this homework that will help us learn and better ourselves in the future? Teachers hold kids to a higher standard because they know what you are capable of. Would you actually rather be seen as incompetent? Teachers are trying to instill hard work in students because having a good work ethic will only help you succeed later in life. Teachers wouldn't be teachers if they really wanted to just make your life miserable. It doesn't pay well enough for that. And the few that possibly are just out to make your life miserable will teach you to deal with people you don't like. That is something we will have to deal with our entire lives. Other than that we need to learn to take responsibility. The truth is we just don't like doing work but we shouldn't transfer that dislike to teachers. Teachers were also students once. They do understand and they aren't stupid. Believe it or not it is possible to accomplish multiple things in a day. You can get your homework done and play sports, or be apart of clubs, or have a job, or spend time with your family. Will it be easy? No. Will you succeed at getting it all done all the time? No. But we need to learn from this and learn how to work hard, learn how to prioritize, and especially learn to take responsibility. It is hard doing something you don't want to do everyday but that isn't going to end after high school either. In college you're still gonna have to go to classes you don't want to. And after that you're going to have to go to a job that you probably aren't too thrilled about every day. Your best chance is to work hard now to do well in school so then there is a greater chance of getting a more enjoyable job that you want.
2. Parents
33% of the kids that took my survey ranked their parents as their primary source of stress. These participants said their parents have too high expectations, are too strict, tell them what to do, don't listen, yell, don't leave leave them alone, and are too demanding. I have found that personally it is really easy to blame and blow up at the people closest to you because they will always be around no matter what you do to them. That's not fair. It is too easy to get caught up in what our parents do wrong against us then what we are doing to them. Some parents do cross the line and mental and physical abuse is unacceptable. It can cause a large amount of stress but sometimes we are perceiving the situation incorrectly. I used to have all the problems listed above with my parents. I thought they were unreasonable and just wanted to make my life miserable. The truth is that they wanted the world for me and wanted my dreams to come true more than anything. They had high expectations of me because they knew that if I wanted it badly enough and worked hard enough that I truly could be anything I wanted to be. That can get tiring but is that really unreasonable of them to believe in us? They're strict because they didn't want their baby girl to ever get hurt so they placed boundaries that I had to learn to accept and live within. They would tell me what to do because they have had many more years of experience and letting me make every choice for myself could be detrimental for my health. They might not listen to me because I would be whining or begging and at some point they had to ignore me to get the point across that it wasn't going to happen. I'm not always going to get everything that I want and I have to be okay with that. That's how the world works. Everyone yells. They wouldn't leave me alone all the time because they wanted to spend time with me. I've found that the more effort I make to set aside a little time to be with or talk to my parents, the more space they give me when I want it because they know I'll make that effort again. Someday they're gonna have to let me go and I'll be out in the world living my life and making my own decisions and I won't see them as often. That's a hard thing for a parent to accept. They want to take advantage of every second they can with you. Don't treat it as an inconvenience otherwise you'll end up regretting wasting the time you could have spent with them. Believe it or not, they're not gonna be around forever. Parents are demanding. It's their job. They are the adult and you are the child. They are going to demand things of you. While you live under their roof, eat their food, wear clothes they have bought, with their money, you're gonna be expected to give a little back every once in a while. They are the reason you are alive. It's not too much to ask. Try to be understanding to your parents and ninety-nine percent of the time, they will try to be more understanding to you as well. It's a two way street. It's not always gonna be smooth but you have to try. Even if things don't work out after that, then you can at least say you did your best. Remember nothing lasts forever. That can either be a warning or a light at the end of the tunnel.
33% of the kids that took my survey ranked their parents as their primary source of stress. These participants said their parents have too high expectations, are too strict, tell them what to do, don't listen, yell, don't leave leave them alone, and are too demanding. I have found that personally it is really easy to blame and blow up at the people closest to you because they will always be around no matter what you do to them. That's not fair. It is too easy to get caught up in what our parents do wrong against us then what we are doing to them. Some parents do cross the line and mental and physical abuse is unacceptable. It can cause a large amount of stress but sometimes we are perceiving the situation incorrectly. I used to have all the problems listed above with my parents. I thought they were unreasonable and just wanted to make my life miserable. The truth is that they wanted the world for me and wanted my dreams to come true more than anything. They had high expectations of me because they knew that if I wanted it badly enough and worked hard enough that I truly could be anything I wanted to be. That can get tiring but is that really unreasonable of them to believe in us? They're strict because they didn't want their baby girl to ever get hurt so they placed boundaries that I had to learn to accept and live within. They would tell me what to do because they have had many more years of experience and letting me make every choice for myself could be detrimental for my health. They might not listen to me because I would be whining or begging and at some point they had to ignore me to get the point across that it wasn't going to happen. I'm not always going to get everything that I want and I have to be okay with that. That's how the world works. Everyone yells. They wouldn't leave me alone all the time because they wanted to spend time with me. I've found that the more effort I make to set aside a little time to be with or talk to my parents, the more space they give me when I want it because they know I'll make that effort again. Someday they're gonna have to let me go and I'll be out in the world living my life and making my own decisions and I won't see them as often. That's a hard thing for a parent to accept. They want to take advantage of every second they can with you. Don't treat it as an inconvenience otherwise you'll end up regretting wasting the time you could have spent with them. Believe it or not, they're not gonna be around forever. Parents are demanding. It's their job. They are the adult and you are the child. They are going to demand things of you. While you live under their roof, eat their food, wear clothes they have bought, with their money, you're gonna be expected to give a little back every once in a while. They are the reason you are alive. It's not too much to ask. Try to be understanding to your parents and ninety-nine percent of the time, they will try to be more understanding to you as well. It's a two way street. It's not always gonna be smooth but you have to try. Even if things don't work out after that, then you can at least say you did your best. Remember nothing lasts forever. That can either be a warning or a light at the end of the tunnel.
3. Bullies
11% of the kids that took my survey ranked bullies as their primary source of stress. Bullies can consume someones life producing a constant fear of being humiliated or harmed. Bullies aren't a joke and even if you aren't physically hurting someone, the things you say to other people can damage them more than you know. Insulting someone's appearance can cause them to develop eating disorders or resort to self harm. In todays day in age, a huge form of bullying is done online. Being able to hide behind a computer screen and say unnecessary nasty things about others becomes so much easier. They don't have to take responsibility for their actions and feel distanced from the bullying like they aren't actually hurting anyone. That is not the case and shouldn't be acceptable. When kids that are being bullied feel like they have nothing to control they find the only thing they have left whether its their eating habits or their own safety. Bullies can cause a range of other psychological problems for someone that is completely unnecessary for them to have to handle for the rest of their lives. It's not worth looking cool to ruin someone elses life. Be careful what you say to others. You have no idea what they're going through in their own life and you don't want to contribute to their problems. You don't want to be the last straw, the breaking point where that kid is done handling everything and decides to end it. Don't risk it. If you are being bullied do not be afraid to go to someone for help! There are teachers, guidance counsellors, adults, your parents, friends, someone is out there that cares about you and will help you. Don't be embarrassed. The person bullying you should be embarrassed and shamed for what they are trying to do to you. You deserve better. Find a way to stand up to them even if you need help to do so because you are worth it. You deserve a better life so make it happen. You can do it.
11% of the kids that took my survey ranked bullies as their primary source of stress. Bullies can consume someones life producing a constant fear of being humiliated or harmed. Bullies aren't a joke and even if you aren't physically hurting someone, the things you say to other people can damage them more than you know. Insulting someone's appearance can cause them to develop eating disorders or resort to self harm. In todays day in age, a huge form of bullying is done online. Being able to hide behind a computer screen and say unnecessary nasty things about others becomes so much easier. They don't have to take responsibility for their actions and feel distanced from the bullying like they aren't actually hurting anyone. That is not the case and shouldn't be acceptable. When kids that are being bullied feel like they have nothing to control they find the only thing they have left whether its their eating habits or their own safety. Bullies can cause a range of other psychological problems for someone that is completely unnecessary for them to have to handle for the rest of their lives. It's not worth looking cool to ruin someone elses life. Be careful what you say to others. You have no idea what they're going through in their own life and you don't want to contribute to their problems. You don't want to be the last straw, the breaking point where that kid is done handling everything and decides to end it. Don't risk it. If you are being bullied do not be afraid to go to someone for help! There are teachers, guidance counsellors, adults, your parents, friends, someone is out there that cares about you and will help you. Don't be embarrassed. The person bullying you should be embarrassed and shamed for what they are trying to do to you. You deserve better. Find a way to stand up to them even if you need help to do so because you are worth it. You deserve a better life so make it happen. You can do it.
4. Friends
7% of the kids that took my survey ranked their friends as their primary source of stress. Social pressures and expectations are hard to live up to and the consequences of not living up to that standard can result in getting made fun of or not being allowed to hang out with "the cool crowd". Being alone or an outcast in high school is the last thing anyone wants to be and kids will go to great lengths to not become that person.
7% of the kids that took my survey ranked their friends as their primary source of stress. Social pressures and expectations are hard to live up to and the consequences of not living up to that standard can result in getting made fun of or not being allowed to hang out with "the cool crowd". Being alone or an outcast in high school is the last thing anyone wants to be and kids will go to great lengths to not become that person.
5. Coaches
6% of the kids that took my survey ranked their coaches as their primary source of stress. When all you want to do is play in a game, it's hard to impress your coaches, compete against other players, and perform at your best to be good enough to start or get in your game. Especially for players that don't get to play a lot, it's hard to push yourself everyday then sit the bench. It can be hard when you do your best but it is still not better than someone else so they still get the time over you. That can be very discouraging. Performing well in sports is also a huge social pressure. Kids that are good at sports tend to be more popular and everyone wants to be popular so people that might not even like that sport try to play and be good enough for people to like you. That shouldn't be the case but there is an enormous pressure in high school to be accepted and liked.
6% of the kids that took my survey ranked their coaches as their primary source of stress. When all you want to do is play in a game, it's hard to impress your coaches, compete against other players, and perform at your best to be good enough to start or get in your game. Especially for players that don't get to play a lot, it's hard to push yourself everyday then sit the bench. It can be hard when you do your best but it is still not better than someone else so they still get the time over you. That can be very discouraging. Performing well in sports is also a huge social pressure. Kids that are good at sports tend to be more popular and everyone wants to be popular so people that might not even like that sport try to play and be good enough for people to like you. That shouldn't be the case but there is an enormous pressure in high school to be accepted and liked.
6. Bosses
3% of the kids that took my survey ranked their bosses as their primary source of stress. Teenagers need money either if its for shopping for the next trendy thing, having money to go out with your friends, saving up for a car, saving up for college, or even popular drugs or alcohol, kids want money. That might drive kids to work at a demeaning or extremely unenjoyable job that takes up a lot of time and energy that could be spent on homework, other activities you enjoy, or just being able to relax. It adds to the not enough time in a day feeling, lack of sleep, and just compounds stress.
3% of the kids that took my survey ranked their bosses as their primary source of stress. Teenagers need money either if its for shopping for the next trendy thing, having money to go out with your friends, saving up for a car, saving up for college, or even popular drugs or alcohol, kids want money. That might drive kids to work at a demeaning or extremely unenjoyable job that takes up a lot of time and energy that could be spent on homework, other activities you enjoy, or just being able to relax. It adds to the not enough time in a day feeling, lack of sleep, and just compounds stress.
7. Peers
3% of the kids that took my survey ranked their peers as their primary source of stress. I would primarily classify peers as people in your grade that aren't necessarily your friends but you could still be friendly with or older kids. The need to impress other people even if they're not your friends is instinctual in high school because everyone wants everyone else to like them no matter who they are. Especially kids that don't have a lot of friends or think that they don't have any friends at all may feel like everyone else is judging them and feeling alone and outcast is a terrible thing for someone to go through. It's very unhealthy not to have a lot of human interaction and to be alone all the time That can lead to a lot of a terrible self image, self loathing, and possible self harm and suicide in extreme cases.
3% of the kids that took my survey ranked their peers as their primary source of stress. I would primarily classify peers as people in your grade that aren't necessarily your friends but you could still be friendly with or older kids. The need to impress other people even if they're not your friends is instinctual in high school because everyone wants everyone else to like them no matter who they are. Especially kids that don't have a lot of friends or think that they don't have any friends at all may feel like everyone else is judging them and feeling alone and outcast is a terrible thing for someone to go through. It's very unhealthy not to have a lot of human interaction and to be alone all the time That can lead to a lot of a terrible self image, self loathing, and possible self harm and suicide in extreme cases.